Tardy Brothers - Bloodline

Tardy Brothers Bloodline:

So the singer and drummer from Obituary make an album. Obituary was boring, thus this also boring. It's got some cool riffs, but those are run into the ground by the 5 minute mark. Also the vocals are grating after half a track.

Rating: 6/15 dudes with long greasy hair and sweat pants

Danzig - Danzig III: How The Gods Kill

Danzig Danzig III: How The Gods Kill:

Fuck “Mother” this is what people should think of when they hear the name Danzig. Here Danzig and John Christ fully realize their idea of a blues, metal, and rock fused into one lumbering, swaggering, and evil beast. Danzig belts out the most evil tunes he's ever written and John Christ backs him with sick riff after sick riff. Defiantly required metal listening.

Rating: 15/15 muscular midgets slaying demonic tang

Misery Index-Traitors

Misery Index Traitors: Sounds like Napalm Death with a dash of Pantera. Generic and boring, theres plenty of bands that sound like this but better.

Rating: 9/15 Its been done points

Old Man Gloom - Seminar II: The Holy Rites of Primitivism Regression

Old Man Gloom Seminar II: The Holy Rites of Primitivism Regression:

So heavy, loud, and crushing that it causes thunderstorms when listened to.

Rating: 14/15 cyclopes made of pure feedback

Volbeat - Guitar Gangsters and Cadillac Blood

Volbeat Guitar Gangsters and Cadillac Blood:

This sounds like Clutch if they were fronted by Danzig and had funny danish accents.

Rating: 12/15 pompadours and double bass drums

Metallica - Death Magnetic

Metallica Death Magnetic:

Basically the creepy old guy at the bus stop has gone from having his pants around his ankles and spewing gibberish to having pulled up his pants, but still gibbering and playing trash can drums.

Rating: 2/15 Wah pedal solos