Thank God - For Pregnant Virgins E.P.

Thank God For Pregnant Virgins E.P.:

This is just messy, sloppy, spastic hardcore that doesn't care about the scene. It just charges forward with abandonment screeching and snarling at you, then suddenly stopping and softly chanting before descending into hideous feedback. Kind of like my mom.

Rating: 11/15 seizures on stage

Evil Nine - They Live

Evil Nine They Live:

After hiding under a rock for a few years, Evil Nine popped back out with a zombie themed album. Yeah zombie electro and it works really well. Some cuts sounds like “Thriller” bonus tracks and others are just straight up good electronica. You know it's good when they coax a good rap out of El-P. Perfect for your next Ecstasy fueled Halloween party.

Rating: 13/15 606 cowbells

Toots and The Maytals-In the Dark

Toots and The Maytals In the Dark:

If you want to groove, this record is for you. A perfect mixture of funky reggae and soulful vocals. The albums tracks are usually upbeat dance tunes or mournful pieces filled with yearning and heartbreak. If you're looking for Reggae less Westernized than Bob Marley, but not as out there as Lee "Scratch" Perry, than this ones for you.

Rating 13/15 Sweet sweet vocal harmonies

Teenage Jesus and The Jerks-Everything

Teenage Jesus and The Jerks Everything:

Loud atonal music from one of the original No Wave bands. The album consists primarily of Lydia Lunch going apeshit over a minimalistic rhythm section. Some of these tracks have not stood the test of time, and others suffer from poor recording quality. However, tracks such as orphans are absolutely ferocious. The importance of this album cannot be denied, its just too bad better quality recordings don't exist.Worth the listen, especially for aspiring guitarists and singers.

Rating 11/15 Richard Kern films

Caroliner-Our American Heritage Volume 1

Caroliner Our American Heritage Volume 1:

Some weird people in day-glo costumes haphazardly bashing their instruments while another weirdo rants about the eighteen hundreds. Some people equate the general unpleasantness of an album with the quality and artistic relevance of an album, these people are morons. If you are one of those morons buy this album.

Rating: 4/15 Old timey bucket wranglin' jangles

Grouper - Dragging A Dead Deer Up A Hill

Grouper Dragging A Dead Deer Up A Hill:

This is what Mazzy Star hanging out with Jesu would sound like, yet somehow more boring. The girl can sing, but the album just drones on and not in a good way.

Rating: 9/15 Quaaludes

Arcwelder-Everest

Arcwelder Everest:

A poppier version of Shellac with better vocal work. Scott MacDonald lays down sick beats while doing much of the vocal work simultaneously. After a long break Arcwelder has been sporadically playing shows recently, catch them if you can.

Rating: 13/15 Aluminum neck guitars

Grinderman-Selftitled

Grinderman Selftitled: The soundtrack to Nick Caves creepy paedo-stache. For misguided hipsters only.

Rating: 6/15 Grandpa goths

Fugazi-The Argument

Fugazi The Argument: Musically pretty good, but not as good as previous Fugazi releases. Lyrically one of their weakest. Not an awful album, but I'm glad they chose to shove off after this one.

Rating: 10/15 I want outs

Old Man Gloom - Seminar II: The Holy Rites of Primitivism Regression

Old Man Gloom Seminar II: The Holy Rites of Primitivism Regression:

So heavy, loud, and crushing that it causes thunderstorms when listened to.

Rating: 14/15 cyclopes made of pure feedback

Isis - Oceanic

Isis Oceanic:

One of the best albums about the sea ever. Isis wrote the book on conceptual, artist, sludge and ever since people have been ripping off this album. But what most copycats fail to do is make their records as engaging as this one. What really sets this album apart is the use of female vocals. Rather than shoehorn it in, they slyly mix these into the back of the mix, making them heard but not the center of attention. It's a nice juxtaposition to the harsh yells. Perfect for a day at the beach when you're tripping.

Rating: 15/15 Primordial Sea Beasts

AC/DC-Black Ice

The First single is called, "Rock and Roll Train."

Rating: 3/15 Highways to Lame

Clutch-From Beale Street to Oblivion

Clutch From Beale Street to Oblivion:

Bluesy hard-rock with a touch of funk and metal. Singer Neil Fallon yells his tough smart ass lines with a fervor most rock singers can't touch. Goes well with beer.

Rating: 13/15 Unusually literate frontmen

Silkworm-Firewater

Silkworm Firewater:

Confessional rock about relationships and drinking. The instrumentation is unique. Sometimes one will only hear vocals bass and the occasional snare shot for two minutes, which will then be followed by a guitar solo twice as loud as the other instruments. Most of the songs toy with typical rock and roll dynamics in an effective fashion, making the more conventional songs, like Wet Firecracker, stand out. All the songs are strong, but at sixteen tracks I can't listen to the whole album at once. Worth the money.

Rating: 14/15 Fake Italians

Volbeat - Guitar Gangsters and Cadillac Blood

Volbeat Guitar Gangsters and Cadillac Blood:

This sounds like Clutch if they were fronted by Danzig and had funny danish accents.

Rating: 12/15 pompadours and double bass drums

The Melvins-Nude With Boots

The Melvins Nude With Boots: The Melvins have traded their mantle as kings of experimental rock in favor of recording one of the best straight up rock albums of the last five years. Buzz and Warren churn out one great riff after another, while their voices meld together perfectly. Coady and Dale are two of the best rock drummers out their, and on this disc they let you know it . Though I am a huge fan of older Melvins, this album and its predecessor are the two best Melvins albums out there. While older Melvins albums are more historically significant, this one is the most listenable and the most fun. Theres no five minute feedback intros, no ten minute long songs that go nowhere, and no pretense of any kind. Something has to be said for a band that enters its strongest era of live performance and record releases while in its second decade of existence. Do yourself a favor, pick up this album and go to see them live. You will not be disappointed.

Rating: 14/15 former bassists

RJD2-Since We Last Spoke

RJD2 Since We Last Spoke: A unique disc that mashes hip hop production techniques with sounds culled largely from 70's and 80's rock and funk. The result often sounds like A Cars techno album. Lyrically the album is good, but unexceptional, its all about the beats.

Rating: 12/15 Hours spent record crawling

Tim Hecker-An Imaginary Country

Tim Hecker An Imaginary Country: Not quite ambient, not quite electronica. Hecker continues to find cool ways to piece together electronic and found sounds. An incredibly nuanced work this album can easily be put on as background music or listened to intently.

Rating: 13/15 Almost concept albums

Two Tongues-Selftitled

Two Tongues Selftitled: Whine rock super group, drops a crap album for high school kids that don't know any better. For assholes with wrist bands and Ironic DARE t-shirts only.

Rating: 4/15 Pity Fucks

Cannibal Corpse-Evisceration Plague

Cannibal Corpse Evisceration Plague: Not bad, but dated. Cannibal Corpse tries to mix it up a little with odd time signatures and the like, which works more often than not. Fans will not be shocked or disappointed.

Rating: 10/15 Seth Putnam beating up Chris Barnes

Psychic Ills-Mirror Eye

Psychic Ills Mirror Eye: Trippy drone music, heavily influenced by Classical Indian music. Though long, the songs never plod. The guitarist and keyboardist continually find interesting sounds, while the rhythm section holds steady. A good record for zoning.

Rating: 12/15 Interesting uses of a Vocoder.

Bane - It All Comes Down To This

Bane It All Comes Down To This:

Whenever I hear this album, I'm always ask “Why aren't more bands like this?” If any other hardcore band made this album it would be preachy and pedantic, whereas this is instead genre defining and an album that other modern hardcore albums should be measured against. The topics range from the personal, infidelity and suicide, to pondering what it means to be in the hardcore scene. It's a bold move to call out your own listeners on their shit, but Bane does it so well that it makes you want to jump and do something. Through out the album there are little artistic touches, like the female vocals on “Can We Start Again.” A must have for fans of hardcore music.

Rating: 15/15 Boston accents

Intestine Baalism - Ultimate Instinct

Intestine Baalism Ultimate Instinct:

One of the few death metal albums you can put on and not feel like a tool for listening to it. Top notch musicianship that doesn't spill into Opeth fueled wankery.

Rathing: 13/15 over the top Japaneseness

(hed) P.E. - New World Orphans

(hed) P.E. New World Orphans:

Here let me just sum up the twenty tracks on this album: Bitches ain't shit, fuck, suck mah dick, fuck da rich, NEWWORLDORDERNEWWORLDORDER, repeat. Somehow this band has managed to escape the gaping maw of obscurity and continue to create music so dumb even dudes with popped collars find it ignorant.

Rating: -1/15 pot fueled conspiracy theories